Every few weeks, or so, I mentally correct every problem I have ever had. Its actually quite incredible and usually only takes about 30-45 seconds. I almost never do anything about it, but when it comes to identifying my issues and thinking about solutions, damn I’m good. Again, no action, just really convincing thoughts on how I can change. I am not sure how long I have had this talent (some would say problem), but I would say 8-9 years is a fair guesstimate. So, for nearly a decade, and about every 3-4 weeks, I lay in bed and say:
“Tomorrow is the day! Tomorrow is the day I get my butt in gear and start crushing life! I am going to devour the Bible, daily, starting tomorrow. I am going to have my MBA work knocked out by Tuesday instead of waiting until Sunday a 10:30pm, starting tomorrow. Best of all, I am going to annihilate the gym and no one will have better discipline with food than me, starting tomorrow!”
During this soliloquy, I actually convince myself to be excited about the 3-mile run I will be doing before the kids wake up. I’m fired up to opening the Bible over some black coffee and a half of banana by 6am. I can actually picture completing my Organizational Management reading and taking the boys to the field to hit some balls by mid-week, worry-free. Can you guess whether or not those things actually happen?
See, there has to be some comedy here. Because I’m not crazy (I think). Literally, several hundred times throughout my adulthood, I have convinced myself that tomorrow is the day. To my credit, I have had spurts of success, but they are minimal and unsustainable. Several hundred times I went all Vince Lombardi on myself and several hundred times I hit the snooze 4 times, picked up Dunkin’ Donuts, wrote the professor an email about why my work will be late, burned through my iPhone battery life in an hour, and logged zero miles on MapMyRun.
Several hundred times I have made a secret mockery of myself. Several hundred times I have made myself a liar. Yet, as I slide the fifth Oreo down my gullet at 9:30 at night, I will somehow convince myself that tomorrow is the day. Despite all I know about myself, tomorrow is the day. I think what it comes down to is that I am an incredible motivational speaker, but a terrible listener (insert sarcasm emojicon).
This is where I write, “TODAY IS THE DAY!” or “THE MOMENT IS NOW!” right? Whatever, I guess that is sort of true, but this is what has come down to for me:
1.) I want to start writing more, for whatever reason. Maybe I think I am good at it or I have something worthwhile to say. Honestly, it’s more about the fact that I think it’s a respectable way to spend your time. Losing weight, or attempting to, seems like a great place to crack some jokes and tell some stories.
2.) I want to get in shape. My wife is smoking hot, I am feeling old as hell, and I want to stop being so predictable. And by predictable, I mean fat and bald. Taking suggestions on exercises that cure male-pattern baldness
3.) My buddy Jon told me about this show on Amazon Prime, Suits. He shares a similar story of failed motivation and we were BS-ing over text one night. Because of suits (and of course Mad Men) we both want awesome suits. We both want to look good for our ladies and we want to hold each other accountable. With very little thought, we decided to set a weight loss goal that coincides with our family’s cross-country move in May. We both meet our goal, we talk our wives into letting us make a mistake on how much we spend on a suit. One fails, we both fail.
In short, we have decided to weigh-in every Monday at 0600 and send a picture of the scale. We’ll probably fail, but who cares cause now we are going to blog about it. Here’s hoping I can make Jon write some guest posts. Wish us luck.
Weight: 225.5 lbs